Letters have been edited for length and clarity.
Dear Ms. Magnolia,
My fiancé and I are buying the
house out in the country where we live. The problem is that his adult brother and his retired parents like to stay with us several times a month. They use our place like a convenient vacation house, with me as the maid cooking and cleaning and laundering sheets and towels, and I already have a full-time job out of the home.
This issue is driving a wedge be- tween my fiancé and me. I feel bitter and angry. I have talked with my fiancé about how I feel, but he is fine with the impromptu company all the time. What can I do or say to limit all this intrusion?
Aggravated Dear Aggravated, You could speak directly with his family members, which may make him angry. You could just not clean anything, but you may have to live in filth. You could move out until he cor rects the situation, which he probably won’t do.
Your fiancé's reaction to your
concerns indicates how he will react in your future. Marrying someone expecting them to change is very unwise; they won’t change (but then neither will you). Many people, of course, will take much abuse in order to avoid “being alone,” not realizing that being alone can often make them happier.
However, unless you want to deal with this for the rest of your life – or finally leave after you have children
and then must raise them alone, you would do better to break up with him
now, separate your interests and fi nancial investments and move on.
There are other fish in the sea, and
perhaps one who shares the ideals that you have in life.
If you have a question for Ms. Magnolia, please mail it to P.O. Box 669, Vidalia, GA 30475, or e-mail to [email protected]