Lima Bean’s Musical Tastes

We call him the “Lima Bean.” Though our newest grand n e p h e w ’s nickname irritates my 88-year-old mother, many in our family have embraced this term of endearment. The moniker emerged organically, just a day or two after the Birmingham boy was born. As I texted our niece-turned-new-mom, I thought I had typed his given name, “Liam,” but apparently, I had flipped the “a” and the “m,” making “Liam” into “Lima.” My all-too-eager-to-help iPhone message app predicted the next word, and “bean” suddenly appeared on my screen.

“Lima bean?” I stared at the screen with confusion before realizing what had happened.

I backspaced my cursor and tried again, and my iPhone again displayed “Lima Bean,” which made me laugh.

I shared the story with our niece, who also saw the cute, adorable humor in the story, and just like that, several of us began occasionally calling Liam by the whimsical nickname, “Lima Bean.” Our niece also refers to him as “Starfish” sometimes, but that’s a story for another day.

Lima Bean is, by all accounts, a remarkably good baby. He’s content most of the time, gazing at the world with wise sapphire-like newborn eyes that seem to hold all the secrets of the world. But like every baby since the dawn of time, he occasionally voices displeasure about his general state of affairs. When these vocal appeals happen, the rest of us hustle to figure out what’s wrong and how to fix it to stop the crying as quickly as possible.

Is he hungry? Tired? Too hot? Too cold? Gassy? Does he need a diaper change? Are we holding him wrong? And most of all, does he hate us?

These are the questions that haunt new moms and visiting relatives alike. So there we were two weeks ago, visiting the newborn, playing our usual guessing game while Lima Bean expressed his dissatisfaction— every minute, amping up the volume until our niece, my continued from page

husband, and I were becoming somewhat frantic.

That’s when our niece sighed and said, “Oh, Liam. Please stop crying. Don’t make me play that song again.”

Her comment puzzled us.

“What song?” I asked. She explained that during a particularly challenging midnight session a few nights before, she’d discovered that one specific song had an almost magical effect on her fussy baby. This one tune would reliably turn off the waterworks.

I looked down at the Lima Bean, who continued to cry, kind of losing his breath.

“What are you waiting for? Play the song!” I said with some urgency, expecting maybe a lullaby or some classical piano music.

Our niece picked up her phone, navigated to Apple Music, and placed it on the sofa cushion beside her. As the opening notes filled the room, she got a pained expression on her face and began singing to her tiny baby boy.

“I know you wanted me to stay, but I can’t ignore the crazy visions of me in LA…” Even though I’m approaching the big 6-0, I immediately recognized the somewhat irreverent pop song—Chappell Roan’s “Pink Pony Club.” I started laughing, but our niece looked mortified to be serenading her infant son with what is essentially a song about a young woman from Tennessee who moves to Hollywood to dance at what I’m pretty sure is a strip club.

But here’s the thing: it worked. As the song approached the chorus, I looked down at Lima Bean and watched his little eyes moving around like he was listening to the lyrics and pondering their deeper meaning. His crying stopped, replaced by what I can only describe as satisfaction.

We witnessed the song’s miraculous effect five out of six times during our mid-week visit, all three of us singing along to the crazy lyrics. I guess there’s something about that catchy, rebellious chorus—“Pink Pony Club, I’m gonna keep on dancing at the Pink Pony Club, I’m gonna keep on dancing down in West Hollywood”— that speaks to little Liam’s soul. Our niece is currently on a mission to find more age-appropriate songs that might have the same soothing effect on him. So far, she hasn’t had any luck. Apparently, Lima Bean’s musical tastes lean toward the theatrical and slightly scandalous. But for now, a few moments of peace and quiet in the household come courtesy of Chappell Roan, and sometimes that’s all a new parent can ask for.

Baby “Lima Bean” Liam