THE GOOD OLD DAYS
BY GARY TOOLE
CALLED TO PREACH
Back in the 1930’s my father’s cousin was out in the cotton patch and he was as lazy as lazy could get. So, he hatched up a plan to get out of picking cotton. He said, “Pa, you know the Lord just called me to preach.” And who would question the Lord and so his pa said, “Well, son put down that sack, get your bible and go see the parson.” So he did and the preacher lined up a time for him to preach. He told his pa he could pick no cotton cause he had to prepare himself a sermon. Of course unbeknowing to his old pappy he went fishing instead. Well, the night rolled around for him to preach on prayer meeting night and his ma gave him a nice white starched and ironed shirt to put on and off he went. Lickiddy split! Now, this was summer time and the old church had big open windows and they were raised. The church was surrounded by big oak trees and the breeze blew through. The old boy got up to preach and it struck him hard that he didn’t have nothing to say. He looked to the right and to the left and there were deacons on the deacon benches ready to amen his every word. He cleared his throat and gazed out the window and he saw an old oak tree that was rotten at the butt. So, he quickly said, “Folks, I’m gonna preach on these women here tonight. They are like that old oak tree out there. They are rotten at the butt!” About that time two of the deacons started toward him with blood in their eyes and he knew then that he had said the wrong thing. So, he made a leaping dive for one of them big windows and out he went with the deacons close on his trail. Down through the woods he ran for his life. Through the bamboo vines. The next day he got back home all tore up and his pa said, “Son, what happened to you?” He said, “Pa, where’s my cotton sack? I know for shore that I ain’t called to preach!” There’s some others that can probably say that. As my dad always said, “Some are called and sent, but some took up and went!” You don’t get stories that funny off the internet! No way shape, form or fashion!
PD. ADV.
