Funny Bone

Humor remains one of the most satiating influences in our lives. If you conduct a modicum of browsing, you will find some moving and insightful funniness such as the following: Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think that they are sexy.

You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad.

To steal from a single person is plagiarism, but to steal from many is research.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

And, what about these vignettes? A shot of whiskey? Are you aware how that term came about? Here you go. In the old west a .45 cartridge for a six-gun cost 12 cents. So did a glass of whiskey. If a cowboy was low on cash, he often gave the bartender a cartridge in exchange for a drink. This custom became known as a “shot” of whiskey.

Hogwash? In the old days, steamboats carried both people and animals. Since pigs smelled so bad, they would be washed before being taken aboard. The mud and filth that was washed off was considered useless “hogwash.”

Know where the term cobweb comes from? The Old English word for spider was “cob.”

Riff Raff? The Mississippi River was the main way of travelling from north to south in bygone days. Riverboats carried passengers and freight, but they were expensive, so most people used rafts.

Everything had the right of way over rafts, which were considered cheap. The steering oar on the rafts was called a “riff,” and this transposed into riff-raft, meaning low class.

Hot off the Press? As the paper goes through the rotary press, friction causes it to heat up. If you grab the paper right off the press, it is very hot. The expression means to get immediate information. (The computer and the Internet are rendering printing presses obsolete.)

Ship state rooms? Traveling by steamboat was considered the height of comfort. Passenger cabins on boat were not numbered. Instead, they were named after states.

To this day, cabins on ships are called state rooms.

Some facts to know. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks. So, watch your whatchamacallit.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. So turn off the TV and turn in.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer. So did the first “Marlboro Man.”

You can find all the foregoing on the Internet more than likely. If not, a friend will forward something he or she wants to share with you, hoping to make your day.

Then there will be a cynic to come up with something such as this: Being awakened by a kiss is the tenderest thing there is. Unless you are in prison.