Men and Dogs

Blew me away. In a room of contemporaries, I heard former airline people describe their lives. The females don’t miss airline life. The males struggled, admitting they didn’t have a job. They all had a “side hustle,” but nobody admitted not working at something.

I think men largely define themselves through their jobs.

Many retired men are doing something at least part time. It seems painful for us to admit being retired, unproductive, getting in the way.

One of the husbands drove a ride-share, he says, but only now and then. When he calculated the wear on his car and strain on his nerves, he decided that it wasn’t worth it.

Most of the seniors have a pet. Warren has a fish tank and is down to one fish. Morris has an odd looking house cat.

People keep everything from possums to deflowered skunks, but the most popular house animals seem to be dogs.

What do dogs think of you? Do they think they’re human or that you’re a dog? The latter, I think.

I believe dogs are not as fond of you as you think. They use you. They are just smart enough to figure out that you will do everything for them if they don’t do it themselves. You have to feed him since he won’t hunt and isn’t good at bathing himself.

Doggy licks are not kisses. When a dog licks you, he is just trying to get the taste out of his mouth from the last thing he licked.

I know dogs are popular, but I think having a dog in the house is like having a perpetual toddler who will never grow up, never get any smarter, never understand.

Dogs are lazy, but some can’t overcome instincts such as herding. They’ll try to herd any animal that won’t move on its own.

I believe men are like dogs. To wit: You have a house dog. You are sitting in your chair all comfy and relaxed and the dog wants to sit in your lap. You brush him off. He lands on the floor.

He is confused and now begins tailwagging, grinning, wanting to lick you. You don’t respond. When he tries to get in your lap, you push him away again.

The dog will sit down and worry about what just happened. He knows he must be guilty of something, if only being guilty of being a dog. He crawls back to his corner of the room, turns around a few times and lies down looking sad.

Men are the same way, only at stage three they realize you must know “something.” He tries to sort out if he did something forbidden or forgot an important date.

The only difference is that while the dog is curled up in the corner of the room trying to sort it out, the man is on the way to the jewelry store.

joenphillips@yahoo.com